Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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