He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
