Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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