just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
