dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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