Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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