508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
