I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
