I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
