think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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