Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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