It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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