Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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