she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
