They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
