nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize