...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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