is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
