i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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