i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
