Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
