he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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