i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
