Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
