Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think my moral compass just broke
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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