Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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