she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
babies were throwing up all over the place
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
