If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
