All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
