i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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