so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
