I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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