peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
