I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize