woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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