This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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