Whoa Z and x make the same sound
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
