in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
