you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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