you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
