I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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