I must be too annoying 4 u.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A bitchslap is in order.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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