Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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