A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
