No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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