feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize