i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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