Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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