I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
