Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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