drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
