And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
