Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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