I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
