When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
