I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
