So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The Olympian is in my bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize