if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize