I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
