Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
