but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
