You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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