On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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