She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize