i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
