Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
