im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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