i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
