The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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