you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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