I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize