turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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