I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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