Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
