I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
