fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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