I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
