let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
