I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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