I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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