eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize