Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
