Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
