I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
