Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
