It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
