i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
