If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
