Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
