the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
