I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My vagina is very pro this idea
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
