The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize