im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
