she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize