they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
