I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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