hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
