the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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