is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
