Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
