Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize