dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
