you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
