Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
