Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize