I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
