I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
