Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
