fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
